Our mindset is our most important asset, especially when we figure out how to create a healthy mindset. The question is, how do we create a healthy mindset.
Are you the kind of person who reacts first, and says..."Ohhhh crap... I should not have done that, I should not have said that".
I was a 'screen door open' kind of girl...(sometimes still am). Things that came out of my mouth at times, was not always my proudest moment.
I didn't think twice about saying what was on my mind, and in moments, at others expense. Definitely not who I wanted to be. But, I didn't know how to change. I didn't know how to stop the reactions to my thoughts or feeling that were boiling inside of me.
I just knew there was something more. I could feel it, no matter what I did, I knew I had to figure out my emotions.
I fell upon some amazing teachers in my time of need. Oprah being one of them. Just little tidbits of info that I would try out here and there. My favorite was turning everything into...
If we chose to, we can live in a life full of everyone else's story. We rehearse over and over again in our minds the facts that we believe happened.
I have a story from grade school.
I snuck across the small treed area where the store and the school connected to get some candy at recess. As I hid in the bushes to check for teachers on the way back, I came out of the trees only to see my friend, looking concerned. This was forbidden, to head across to the store in grade 3. I knew that, I wanted candy. A girl from my class (lets call her Bev), who saw me with a brown bag of 1 cent candies (remember those days), was smiling. I handed her some and carried on. That should keep her quiet!
I headed back to class after the bell, and the teacher was there waiting for me. It had come to her attention that I was at the store. WHAT??? BUSTED! AHHHHHHH!!!!
Bev was snickering with my other friends at the back of the class.... SHE TOLD! BUT I GAVE HER CANDY!
I remember the day I moved into my new place. A small 2 bedroom furnished basement suite. I was starting over. I was excited. I unpacked the little belonging that I had with me, that took me all of 30 minutes.
13 years of knowing this time would come, and it was here. Now after all the unpacking was done, there seemed to be a huge weight on my shoulders that I just could not unpack.
What was this feeling?
Guilt? I did leave my kids with their Dad for this week, as discussed, picking them up tomorrow to share their new space. They were going to be OK. We were going to be OK. I knew that in my soul. That was not the feeling.
Bored? Well, lets face it, I have been a Mom and always had things on the go and running here, running there. Maybe a bit of that. I will just have to adjust my time. Really, I can do anything I want. I don't have to answer to anyone. (Did a little dance to that freedom thought.) Nope, that was not it.
When I was in the thick of a toxic relationship, there is no way anyone could tell me that there was anything that could positively come from being in a whirl wind of control, mental abuse, anger, and deceit... from both of us.
I remember looking at everyone else who had the strength to leave... I felt so weak.
I have a family member who was a single mom with 2 kids, the father of her kids was off doing who knows what, with no support, and I looked at her with envy of her strength to stay focused on what she wanted. I looked at her with envy as she was able to just live her life as she felt.
I just wanted out! But could not see the way.
People saw me as such a strong, happy individual, who lightened up a room when entering. I know I looked that way on the outside, but inside, I was lying to myself and to others. Inside I was dying.
I don't know when it all changed, the way I felt, thought, planned my escape. My escape from my marria...