If we are sooooo fricken smart, what makes discomfort so comfortable? 

Why does changing ourselves seem so hard?

There is something in us that causes us to act this way. 

If we don't like the job we are in, why don't we just get another? 

If it is something in our day to day life that causes us to suffer, why don't we just change it?

I drifted through life pretending to be happy.

Why?

I am a smart woman, with high emotional intelligence, able to shift any moment to happy to show the world that I am "FINE" outside. But really, I knew the truth, inside... 

So when I was alone, why was I not comfortable with my own thoughts? 

The simple answer is thought patterns. 

We are humans, creatures of habit. 

We choose to stay in the same situation because we have become addicted to the emotional state the circumstances create and the chemicals that arouse the state of being. 

Yes, your body creates chemicals that arouse your mind to stay put. 

Let's look at this... 

I was in a marriage which was not personally...

Have you ever noticed, how you know how your day is going to unfold?

You know the traffic is going to be backed up on your way to work. You know how the mood of the staff is going to be because of that big project everyone is behind on. You know your day is just going to be so busy with no "you" time. You know what others are thinking about you because they "looked at you" a certain way. You know you are going to be late to a meeting. ON and ON and ON.

Oh it is so tiring. It is also a mental block. Like walking on a path and you come to a huge barrier. You can't go anywhere else than what you see in front of you. 

You actually put up the barrier yourself. You create the negative mindset to see all that is wrong with what is yet to even happen.

THEN, when you actually see what you are looking for, you have this simple, weird gratification to knowing. You say things like, "See, I fricken knew it, traffic is backed up, now I am going to be late." 

Well, let me tell you this.... that is messed...

There is something magical for me when I see a stream, creek or lake. I knew this from the earliest of age. 

It's no wonder in my adult life, my choice was to live on a lake. 

Growing up on a farm, I explored. Just down from the barn, was a creek that flowed from the mountains to the lake. My brother and I would jaunt down to fish with handmade fishing poles and our bucket with more worms than dirt. Our fishing poles were made of the nearest branch we found along the way, some really brittle fishing line from Dad's fishing box, and a hook big enough to catch a shark. OK, maybe a trout, but still, to the bull heads we were fishing. It was WAY too big. 

My brother would get the worm on the hook, that was too gross for me to do, we would fix our little buts closest to the hidden holes of the creek where the bullheads could hid till they see their chance for food. Billy always got the culvert, as he said that was the best spot.

 That didn't matter to me, I would lay, tummy down, on t...

Our mindset is our most important asset, especially when we figure out how to create a healthy mindset. The question is, how do we create a healthy mindset. 

Are you the kind of person who reacts first, and says..."Ohhhh crap... I should not have done that, I should not have said that". 

I was a 'screen door open' kind of girl...(sometimes still am). Things that came out of my mouth at times, was not always my proudest moment. 

I didn't think twice about saying what was on my mind, and in moments, at others expense. Definitely not who I wanted to be. But, I didn't know how to change. I didn't know how to stop the reactions to my thoughts or feeling that were boiling inside of me.

I just knew there was something more. I could feel it, no matter what I did, I knew I had to figure out my emotions.

I fell upon some amazing teachers in my time of need. Oprah being one of them. Just little tidbits of info that I would try out here and there. My favorite was turning everything into...

If we chose to, we can live in a life full of everyone else's story. We rehearse over and over again in our minds the facts that we believe happened.

I have a story from grade school.

I snuck across the small treed area where the store and the school connected to get some candy at recess. As I hid in the bushes to check for teachers on the way back, I came out of the trees only to see my friend, looking concerned. This was forbidden, to head across to the store in grade 3. I knew that, I wanted candy. A girl from my class  (lets call her Bev), who saw me with a brown bag of 1 cent candies (remember those days), was smiling. I handed her some and carried on. That should keep her quiet! 

I headed back to class after the bell, and the teacher was there waiting for me. It had come to her attention that I was at the store. WHAT??? BUSTED! AHHHHHHH!!!! 

Bev was snickering with my other friends at the back of the class.... SHE TOLD! BUT I GAVE HER CANDY! 

For the rest of t...

I remember the day I moved into my new place. A small 2 bedroom furnished basement suite. I was starting over.  I was excited. I unpacked the little belonging that I had with me, that took me all of 30 minutes. 

13 years of knowing this time would come, and it was here. Now after all the unpacking was done, there seemed to be a huge weight on my shoulders that I just could not unpack. 

What was this feeling?

Guilt? I did leave my kids with their Dad for this week, as discussed, picking them up tomorrow to share their new space. They were going to be OK. We were going to be OK. I knew that in my soul. That was not the feeling. 

Bored? Well, lets face it, I have been a Mom and always had things on the go and running here, running there. Maybe a bit of that. I will just have to adjust my time. Really, I can do anything I want.  I don't have to answer to anyone. (Did a little dance to that freedom thought.) Nope, that was not it. 

I sat quietly for a bit looking out the...

When I was in the thick of a toxic relationship, there is no way anyone could tell me that there was anything that could positively come from being in a whirl wind of control, mental abuse, anger, and deceit... from both of us.

I remember looking at everyone else who had the strength to leave... I felt so weak. 

I have a family member who was a single mom with 2 kids, the father of her kids was off doing who knows what, with no support, and I looked at her with envy of her strength to stay focused on what she wanted. I looked at her with envy as she was able to just live her life as she felt. 

I just wanted out! But could not see the way. 

People saw me as such a strong, happy individual, who lightened up a room when entering. I know I looked that way on the outside, but inside, I was lying to myself and to others. Inside I was dying. 

I don't know when it all changed, the way I felt, thought, planned my escape. My escape from my marria...

We start our journey in life as a smooth piece of fresh paper. 

As we live our life, each defining moment, each milestone, each devastation, each celebration represents a fine line on this page. 

Each crinkle represents a memory of how you dealt with it. The finer the line, the less impact it had on your life. The heavier the crinkle, the deeper the impact. 

It doesn't matter how many times you try to iron out these lines, they never fade. They will always be part of the page. Over time they may thin out as you deal with your thoughts and feelings around the situation, but never truly be gone. They are not meant to be. 

These are the lessons of life. Each part of your journey brought you to this moment in time, each line directed you and pushed you to become strong enough to over come, strong enough to stand up, strong enough to be here. 

So choose to be proud of all the lines that have directed you to this moment, of choosing to be present in your thoughts of strength and passion. 

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