Holding a Grudge
If we chose to, we can live in a life full of everyone else's story. We rehearse over and over again in our minds the facts that we believe happened.
I have a story from grade school.
I snuck across the small treed area where the store and the school connected to get some candy at recess. As I hid in the bushes to check for teachers on the way back, I came out of the trees only to see my friend, looking concerned. This was forbidden, to head across to the store in grade 3. I knew that, I wanted candy. A girl from my class (lets call her Bev), who saw me with a brown bag of 1 cent candies (remember those days), was smiling. I handed her some and carried on. That should keep her quiet!
I headed back to class after the bell, and the teacher was there waiting for me. It had come to her attention that I was at the store. WHAT??? BUSTED! AHHHHHHH!!!!
Bev was snickering with my other friends at the back of the class.... SHE TOLD! BUT I GAVE HER CANDY!
For the rest of the school year, no matter how many times she said she did not tell, I did not believe her. The trust was gone.
It was 3 years later when the truth was told to me, an older kid saw me and ran to the teacher. It didn't matter, the damage was done.
This seems like a simple school yard incident but a perfect example of how thoughts create things.
If I look back on that day, I was mad, feeling betrayed, feeling hurt and embarrassed at being caught. I had to serve detention, I was spared the phone call home, phewf!
The feeling I had were real to me, the feelings created my thoughts that my friend betrayed me. I held that against her and treated her like shit. I think, I even fought in the school yard, yes now typing this... I did. (Shame.)
My thoughts were in overdrive, created my actions and lost a friend. I held that for a long time. Even after learning the truth. In my head I always felt she was an untrustworthy bitch, which really was exactly who I was to her.
The point of the story is this... There is no way in hell, anyone else can create your story. There is no way in hell that holding a grudge serves you.
Of course this is young kids in the school yard, but how different is today actions when we feel betrayed, mad, hurt or any other feeling of discomfort?
Our thoughts go into overdrive and we feel like having a fight! Except hopefully we have learned self control of actions a bit where we are not going to head on over and kick some booty!
But, what happens when we hold that feeling towards someone? What then?
Does it consume you? Does it trigger unwanted feelings? Of course it does. WHY?
Here is why!
When you have a problem that you are facing, an emotion arises, then a thought, then an action creating your result. Good or bad. It is law.
By understanding that everything OUTSIDE of you is out of your control, and by understanding that you can ONLY control what is INSIDE, you will win every time.
SO, you ask, how do I do that?
By dissecting your thoughts!
My thoughts of Bev telling on me was non of my business. My business was what I decided to believe, what I decided to feel and what I decided to do. At 8 years old these are not lessons learned that early, but today as adults, we have the resources to decided our path, our journey and we can choose to smile inside out. No matter what.
If you want amazing tools to understand this thought pattern CLICK HERE for THE D.E.B.A.R. METHOD I created.