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If This Doesn't Kill You, I Will!

May 27, 2017

 

Have you ever said to your kids, if this doesn't kill you, I will?

I said this last night... 

 

So Gary (my other half) and I are just about to watch a movie on a Friday night. 

 

The phone rings...

 

It's my 18 year old son, instantly, from his shaky voice, I knew something was wrong.

 

 "Mom, there was a roll over accident... can you come get us, Bails is hurt." {His buddy} (The grads were camping at a spot 10 minutes from us.)

 

Ummm "What, where, who was there, OMG, ummm ok... I'm on my way... ummm call an ambulance too."

 

Ok... if this was a movie, I would put the cheesy freeze frame in and do some explaining. 

 

As a mom, that call is never good. The emotions running through my body were crippling. 

 

In that moment, I managed to do 8 small circles while standing in one spot, like a dog about to lay down.

 

I somehow thought to grab my car keys even though we were going in Gary's truck. 

 

Even fashion was not an issue as I ran from the house in what was called my "what were you thinking" wardrobe.

 

My hair was all askew from working in the yard being in a pony tail. I looked like I just wrestled the pigs in the barnyard. 

 

Needless to say, I had it together. NOT! 

 

I have watched Grey's Anatomy... I know what accidents look like. 

 

But the problem was I faint in the sight of blood and cry in those moments. 

 

I am not the best for an emergency, so Gary drove.

 

As soon as I saw Bails, I was crying. His head was split open, he was in and out of consciousness, and was complaining about his ribs. Where we were, there was no cell service again. 

 

In the truck he goes, Gary had one of the kids stabilize his head and keep him talking, I was drilling each kid as to who, where, why and how, causing more ruckass. 

 

Called 911 when we hit cell service (as the boys did not hear that part)- both decided it was quicker for us to keep going. 

 

I had to break the news to his mom to meet us at the hospital.

 

By the time we got to the hospital, Bails mom was there... I think she did 100 circles standing in one spot waiting for us. 

 

Her whole being was in trauma mode. 

 

So what happens in our mind and body in this state. 

 

FEAR! 

 

At the moment of the phone call, I pictured the worst. 

 

My memories of my own accident at that age, brought back the thinking of what happened. Then my wonderful imagination added, internal bleeding, broken bones, missing limbs and tree branch through the abdomen. (Thank you Grey's)!

 

So when trauma happens, especially for your loved ones, your brain starts to work on overdrive. 

 

I have read this is  called STS (Secondary Trauma Stress)

 

On a STS scale... some key points were being hit. 

 

My heart started pounding when I thought about what I was going to see

It seemed as if I was reliving the trauma experienced when it was explained. 

I felt jumpy

I had trouble concentrating

I was easily annoyed

 

This, obviously, was more intense for Bails mom. 

 

Once our mind starts the process of thought, the chemicals in our bodies creates the emotions that we feel, creating the actions we show. 

 

In the moment... the fear over ruled. 

 

So, now, I have to go back to basics doing the D.E.B.A.R Method to change my experience and prepare for that emotional chemical release to change my way of being if there was to ever be a next time. (Cross our fingers) 

 

Dissect

Emotion

Belief

Action

Results 

 

Present Outcome:

 

D = Boys had an accident

E = Fear, stress

B = Injuries are life threatening

A = Panic, walk in circles, grab wrong keys, snap at everyone trying to help

R = Crying, and freezing in motion

 

The key to this is understanding what feelings our body did when we had the feeling of fear and stress. 

 

My stomach tightened, my breathing increased, my heart raced. 

 

Writing this down creates a visual.  A mental picture for the next time I feel this emotion. I will know, it has to do with my thinking of a situation. 

 

The next step is to flip everything. 

 

What do I mean by flip. 

 

Well, in this situation, looking back, if I did things differently I would be able to control my thoughts, emotions and actions. 

 

So below is what I want:

 

D = Boys had an accident (this situation, fact or circumstance will not change)

E = Calm

B = Assess the situation when arrive

A = Focus on breathing, grab first aid kit, call 911 from home to meet us, 

R = Keep situation calm without creating stress. 

 

So you might be thinking.... easier said than done. Well, this I do know, because I am still practicing. 

 

But it makes me think of the training the ambulance drivers do mentally to prepare for an accident. 

 

They have practiced in their minds on how to show up to a scene of an accident. Without stress, without panic, without crying. (Could you imagine if they didn't?)

 

That is why this method works on any situation. If I feel the emotions of stress, I know it is a trigger to focus on my breathing to calm my heart rate, which will keep my thinking clear. 

 

If anything, it is the awareness of the connection our body, mind and soul have. 

 

We are always in control of how we think, feel and act and in understanding what emotions trigger certain thoughts and actions from past behaviors, then practicing new thoughts, beliefs and actions will trigger the calming effect wanted. 

 

So I won't kill the kids... for the scare I created within myself. 

 

See you on the Inside! 

 

P.S. Bails is recovering nicely and will be fine. No children were harmed in anyway by their parents. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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