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3 Smart Strategies to Influence Others without Kissing Their Ass

August 12, 2017

 

"Our minds influence the key activity of the brain, which then influences everything; perception, cognition, thoughts and feelings, personal relationships; they're all a projection of you."

Deepak Chopra
 

Have you ever been at a social gathering with that one person who seems to be able to have everyone flocks to and admires? 

 

You wonder to yourself, what the hell is she doing that makes her so desirable?

 

Influence!

 

Nothing less, nothing more. 

 

Not everyone is born with the gift of influence.

 

Yes it can come naturally to some. 

 

And others... well they just try and try and try...

 

Which ends up looking like an ass kisser. 

 

It can be learned! 

 

So what is the magic?

 

What makes someone who naturally attracts people a great influence?

 

3 strategies... yes, you can start with 3! 

 

But first, 

 

I want to make something VERY clear before we carry on. 

 

Influencing others is NOT the same as MANIPULATION! 

 

There is a HUGE difference between influence and manipulation. 

 

When I was teaching one of my workshop to a team, one person pipped up asking if I was teaching people to manipulate others. 

 

I really had to take a step back and understand the differences to teach in a way for everyone to understand. 

 

Including me. 

 

I had never thought of it in that text as my intentions are never to influence another with an evil scheme kind of thinking.

 

So what are the differences?

 

First of all, according to the dictionary, not a lot. 

 

Which can be the confusion. 

 

Both have the same explanation of “producing an effect in another person without apparent exertion of force.”

 

Well, that's a true on both parts... but...

 

Manipulation is defined as “having control over others by having the ability to influence their behavior (emotions) and their actions so things can go in the manipulator’s favor” 

 

Plus...

 

“to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage.”

 

Evil scheme! 

 

Yet, in the influential mind, the intent is completely different.  

 

Influence is defined in the Latin world as "the power of the stars acting upon the destiny of men."

 

It has to do with what the intent is. 

 

Within the mindset to guide others, lead others, into a positive meaningful way. 

 

Now, we can move forward into the 3 strategies that will forever help you in a way you will never regret learning.

 

Here are 3 Strategies to Influence Others:

 

 

1. Look someone in the eyes and SMILE! 

 

When you look someone in the eye, you offer trust to another person. 

 

It is said to be true that the eyes are the window to our soul, so offering your eye contact is just that. 

 

Adding a smile... is the sealer. 

 

When you smile AND look into another's eyes, your eyes soften. 

 

It offers a genuine offering of kindness.

 

Even if you have your face covered with only your eyes exposed, the other person looking at you, can tell that you are smiling with your eyes.

 

What I like to call a SMEYES!  

 

(You know you want to try it so go ahead, head to a mirror and see the difference in your eyes with a smile and without.)

 

It will influence the person you are speaking to and you will be quicker to gain their comfort around you. 

 

2. Learn their name and USE IT. 

 

Think of a time when someone unfamiliar to you used your name and how it made you feel. 

 

I often hear people say, "I am terrible with names, I can remember who is who."

 

Guess how influential that individual is! NOT!

 

Saying another name matters. 

 

Even some fancy scientists have studied this idea and discovered, saying the person's name who you are speaking to triggers the frontal cortex of the brain which starts sending feel good emotional chemicals through the body. 

 

"Remember that a person's name is, to that person, is the sweetest and most important sound in any language."

 

Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

 

One of the most common examples is the 'Cocktail Party Effect.'

 

Here is how it works:

 

If you are at a party with dozens of people chatting around you, you'll likely find that you can easily ignore or tune out all the conversations you are not engaged in. 

 

They are just background noise. 

 

But, as soon as soon as someone says your name, you magically tune into that specific conversation. 

 

The importance of that conversation will rise above what was considered background noise. 

 

So change your story and stop saying you do not remember names.

 

 Say the persons name 3 times in a conversation to remember their name easier. 

 

Use a persons name, and you will become an influence. 

 

 

3. Ask questions about their interests! 

 

No one wants to hear about what YOU do. 

 

Well, let me re-frame that statement... 

 

Not one wants to continue in a conversation when the you start by saying,

 

"Hi, I'm Kryssie, I am a trainer in workplace appreciation and I teach people how to think for a change... blah blah blah."

 

Most people will tune out instantly. 

 

Instead, 

 

"Hi, Sarah, (eye-contact and a smile of course) what do you do for work, (fun)?" 

 

This simple shift in conversation can engage you in meaningful topics. 

 

You can find common interests which can lead to an amazing connection. 

 

Please love talking about themselves, that is why most do. 

 

So if you can refrain from starting off speaking about yourself right out the starting gate you will become a more attractive fit of character to the person standing in front of you. 

 

That is the power of influence. 

 

Learn these 3 smart strategies today. 

 

If this was helpful, please share with your circle of influence and sign up below to receive these blogs for your morning reads. 

 

Keep smiling! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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