Whoever gossips to you, will gossip about you.
Have you ever been in a conversation that started with, "OMG have your heard that..."
I have this one acquaintance who starts every starting sentence with, "you know I don't gossip right, but I just want to let you know..."
Everyone at some point in their lives have been the creator of the rumor mill, joined in the rumor mill, been an ear for the rumor mill, or has been the topic of the rumor mill.
Let's look at these and dissect the perspective of the giver and the receiver to understand.
Yes, I want you to understand why people gossip, why you listen, or why you start it.
The question to ask is simple...
WHAT IS THE PAYOFF?
So let's look at the different types of Rumor Mills...
Creator of the rumor mill.
There are 2 kinds of creators.
One that tells their perspective as the truth, and those who just create because they can.
People will believe their own thoughts as true about you even if it is the farthest thing from the truth.
Just like people create a story from things they heard from others.
We have all played the game telephone in elementary to learn what a great gossip will sound like after the line of students murder the real story.
Some adults just have not learned the real value of the game.
It's that person's right to have their opinion about you.
It's also very much, your right to have an opinion on them on what they think of you.
There is always a pay off to every action.
Which means the person saying it, is in it for them.
And that is ok!
Supporter of the rumor mill.
The supporter is the listener.
The one who is the shoulder to cry on.
The one who feeds the story by their opinion.
Saying things like, "No way" or "That's horrible" which fuels to hear more and more.
The supporter allows the rumor to live and grow into a Marvel movie, where demons and superpowers come to life.
If you tend to be that person who people 'come to' when they have a story about another.
Ask them the question to yourself or even the person saying it... "Is that true?"
If you choose to be a sounding board for others problems, you will constantly be in situations of the supporter.
Remove yourself from the situation to stop gossip coming to you.
Staying in that situation is allowing the rumor to continue just by listening.
Join In on the rumor mill.
Broadcasting what you hear just to be in touch with others is joining in on the rumor mill.
Let's face it, everyone loves to be informed.
It's why most watch the news.
And, the news lies!
Here's an example of joining in on the rumor mill...
"Jenny got fired today." a co-worker tells you.
"Oh, no way, I saw her putting files in her purse, maybe she was stealing." you add.
Fact: Jenny got fired.
Rumor Mill: Jenny was stealing so she got fired.
Assumptions, accusations and enjoyment for a great story makes us start building up something that is not there.
Another way of being part of the rumor mill is to repeat what someone says that you don't know to be true.
You are the topic of the rumor mill
Being a topic of the rumor mill is never a fun place to be.
You actually can be part of the rumor mill by choosing victim mode.
By telling everyone that will listen who is talking about you, what that person is saying and playing the whoa is me.
Yes, you create your own rumor mill, and most likely add shit about the other person just to get back or to take it away from what the story was.
These 4 rumor mill examples are exactly why conflict is so overdeveloped.
I could write a whole book about the rumors that have been put out there about me.
I am sure I wanted to throat punch a few of the creators but I had to sit back and admire their creativity.
I have never been so empowered as the day I stopped being the victim of the story.
Not going to sit here and say just rise above it because you know damn well that is not an easy thing to do when you are flavorable topic of the week.
How to be OK with being the topic of a rumor.
You change your thinking.
This is exactly why I created the D.E.B.A.R. Method.
It was a way for me to understand my emotions, my beliefs, my actions as to the meaning behind my results in life.
Being able to sit with myself and dissect what I was thinking.
Being in the conscious mindset instead of letting the sub-conscious take over.
The sub-conscious is the one that continues the rumors by adding to the story, repeating what others are saying about me or just plainly complaining about the gossiper.
Being in a conscious mind is work, but it is rewarding.
Here are 2 questions to ask yourself when you are in any of the rumor mill situations.
Do the D.E.B.A.R. Method.
I have created a worksheet for you to use with instructions to this method.
This method allows you to understand yourself, the truth behind your thinking and the ways to change your thinking to understand yourself better.
Leave a comment below if you would like the worksheet.
1. What is your payoff?
Everyone has a payoff for everything they do in life.
Good or bad.
2. Is it true?
If the rumor is about you and it is true and you are at war with it inside of you.
Then the above worksheet will help you with your thinking and the process of your results you are creating in your life.
If the rumor is not true, consider saying to yourself this:
'What others say about me is not my business.'
The reality of life is people will talk behind others backs.
I have been at war many of times, like I said earlier about what others have said.
"She's too loud."
Yes, I am loud when I am passionate, enjoying life and loving.
I was at war with myself because of what they said...
Hmmmm silly right, cause when I am quiet I am not happy.
"She works too hard and puts us out of a job."
Yes, I do work hard, I also believe in doing the best for the company I work for. If I get the job done before the allotted time, there is always more work to do.
I believe that's a great thing.
"She's a bitch."
Ok ouch! But yes, I can be.
Corner any cougar and see what happens.
My point is, who the hell cares what others say about you in a negative manner.
I always believe that if you are 100% true to your values, your morals and always be your true self, then those that are offended are not your people.
There are always way to improve relations with those you 'have' to be around but it does not mean that they can't talk behind your back.
Because they can, they will and it's OK!