'When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me'.
Obviously, no one will turn into a donkey with assumptions, but definitely have the likely hood of being or looking like a jack-ass.
If you have been following me for sometime, you know I believe there is always 3 Sides to Every Story, not 2.
Past experiences can create assumptions on the fly.
If a doctor has a patient come in to his office to check on a large spot that is darkening on the patients skin.
The GP will ask a series of questions trying to eliminate what he already assumed.
When the spot appeared, if it is painful, if it is itchy etc.
The doctor might order a series of tests or send the patient as a referral to a specialist.
In your head, you are already thinking skin cancer and the specialist is a dermatologist.
Why, because we see the cancer symptoms loads in media and it so very much in our world that it is becomes easy to assume.
Yet, that darkening spot could be as simple as age spots, liver spots, hyper-pigmentation or yes, cancer.
But assumptions are not for a doctor to make without medical verification.
This goes the same way to assuming what someone is thinking about or about to do, or not do for that matter.
How many times have you not shown up to help someone move because you think to yourself that 'they will have so many people I will just be in the way' only to find out there was only a couple people and it took all day instead of an hour.
Do you assume your family know because you work all the hours you do for them it is out of love?
Will your co-worker know you are always there for them and all they have to do is ask?
Are you to be inclined to think your company, you work for, is always going to be in the positive financial state to give you a yearly raise with all the benefits because you show up every day?
Assumptions... It happens all the time.
This is how conflict happens within our own minds.
Assuming we know the answers because we choose to be too busy to communicate what we are wondering, thinking and believing as true.
Here are 3 questions to ask to yourself when you are finding yourself in a assumption predicament.
1. Is that true?
When you ask yourself this question of 'Is that true?' you open up your mind to looking at someone or something differently.
Looking at the example of the parent who assumes his family knows he loves him because of the amount of time he puts into work...
Is that true that his family REALLY knows he loves them?
Does the son think to himself... 'Boy oh boy, Dad not making it to my ball game because he chose to be at work really shows me that he loves me.'
I highly doubt it, but who am I to assume.
Joking aside, asking the question 'Is that true' the dad can then open up the communication with his family about what his priority with the family's goal of financial stability.
When the family (team) have the same goals there is no need to assume, there is open communication and the conflict is at rest.
2. How does that make me feel?
Noticing your feelings when you are in thoughts of assuming what you THINK you know causes a rush of emotions.
Being aware of the emotions will indicate your true self as needing to explore more.
If you are at 'war' with your feelings and thoughts you know you need to open up the communications of questions to whomever you are dealing.
Realistically, you want to 'FEEL BETTER'.
No one wants conflict, most likely they just want to be right!
3. What needs to happen for me to NOT assume?
Clarity of communication!
We assume only when we don't know.
So start talking.
Is it really that simple?
There is no need to guess, estimate or imagine what is going on with someone else or something else... ask.
There are so many means of communication now in which we can gather information.
Everything is at our fingertips, so really there should be no excuses.
If you have a thought of assuming something, ask yourself 'Is it true?' then 'What are my feelings about what I am thinking?' finally 'What needs to happen to NOT assume?'
Let's face it...
You are going to be in a situation where you assumed and got yourself into a pickle...
Don't call yourself a jack-ass...
Just see where the situation took you, and the points to change for next time you catch yourself assuming.
Let me know in the comments your lessons from assuming things.
I know I work on this thought process A LOT...
It's choosing to Think for a change... the change is in the thinking.
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