A bitter heart will always eat their owner. ~ Unknown
Can you quickly go through your list of known people who are toxic?
Sure you can, everyone knows someone who fits that criteria.
If I was hiring for the position, I am sure you can suggest some very highly over qualified individuals who would be in the running.
If you don't know what a toxic person is, bless your heart!
You are in a great position, but reading this will give you some amazing tools to learn in case you ever run into one.
There are many different types of toxic and as I started researching, these types stood out to me as people I have had in my life.
Here are 15 examples of Toxic People.
1. Gossip Grabbers
These people love a great story. These people will deliberately tear down other people. They will usually start off a conversation with an assumption of what is going on in others situations.
Non toxic people will not assume, they will mind their business and if others speak to them about others, they will shut it down.
2. Conversation Hog
People who talk about themselves a lot. Often can't wait for the other person to finish talking, sometimes brutally interrupt in order to say what they have done, they have learned, or they have seen just to hear themselves talk. These people do not show an equal, genuine interest in hearing from you about yourself.
Non toxic people will ask questions about the other person and have a genuine interest in others. They will allow others to finish what they are saying and have a flowing communication style.
3. Emotional Suckers
How about the person who always speaks of their emotional garbage day after day, month after month, sometimes same stories year after year but never take actions or steps to solve or correct their own shit.
Non toxic people will find solutions and take action to their negative situation to better themselves. They will seek the use of tools such as The D.E.B.A.R.Method.
4. Soap Box Monsters
This is when someone needs to minimize your strengths and achievements to make themselves feel better.
Non toxic people will celebrate your achievements and not feel envious of your success, achievements or good fortune.
5. The Naysayer
Any ideas put forth, the person says NO before the thought has even been processed in the brain. Sometimes the NO will be spoken before the question or idea has even been completed in conversation.
Non toxic people will take a moment to answer with a true heart. Taking a slight pause and acknowledgement of what was asked in the first place.
6. The Liar Liar
There is a common technique of little white lie which will not be harmful. Some people use little white lies to be kind, save a friendship or even a marriage when asked sensitive questions. Fact is... everyone does it. When the false stories become toxic is when the liar tells lies and believes it and you start to question your own sanity when you call them on their lies. The liar will such emotion to the drama of being called a liar you question if you heard right.
Non toxic people will hear your story and might agree to disagree that each persons perspective is different and the story was heard wrong. No one lies to make themselves look better or feel better.
7. "I Know" It All.
This might be the saying that gets under my skin the most, but enough about me, tell me if this sounds familiar. The person who says "I Know" abruptly before you are even completed what you are going to say. The person who says "I Know" after you tell them some great news you heard which you are excited about. The person who says "I know" when you have some info on something they were inquiring about.
Non toxic people will say, if they already have heard the story, news "Oh Yes, I did hear that", or "That's right, I was asking for that info". A non toxic person will not feel threatened by you having more info than them.
8. Been There, Done That
Anyone who has been there and done that. They jumped like you but 10 feet higher. They traveled to the same places but stayed 2 weeks longer. The toxic person continues to compare their life to yours, their schooling to yours, their achievements to yours.
Non toxic people don't need to one up you. They are content to listen without wanting to jump in and tell you more about them. The non toxic person will use their knowledge to expand on the conversation not to expand on their ego.
9. Arrogant Angles
Do not mistake this as for confidence in any way, there is a massive difference. Confident people inspire while arrogant people make others feel inferior.
Non toxic people lift others up, not by lifting themselves by standing on someones back.
10. Ego Mania
When people assume and demand the world should revolve around them. They usually offer amazing information about themselves and if you try to switch the subject they will bring it directly back to them. These people are not interested in anything else but them.
Non toxic people desire and equality for everyone.
11. The Control Freak
This person never listens to anybody or anything. They have to have it their way or they act out in anger or passive aggressive way.
Non toxic person does not try to make you feel guilty for wanting to do something different. They share the ideas.
12. The Manipulator
These people can be extremely tricky to deal with. because the friendship has been formed knowing you inside and out. Yet using their knowledge as a part of their hidden agenda to make you do what they want.
Non toxic people will be an influence on you in a positive way. Help you move forward and grow. No hidden agenda.
13. Fake It Till You Make It.
You never know what to think or who these people are as they are almost chameleons and change their personality to fit the people they are with and not truly having a personality of their own.
Non toxic person will be true to themselves, their core values and beliefs. You will know where you stand with them.
14. Soul Sucker
This type of toxic person only comes to you when they are in crisis. They expect you to drop everything to be with them, council them, side with them, give them exactly what they want to hear. There is never any good in their life when they speak to you.
Non toxic person will come to as a friend when things are good or bad. They will tell you great things in their life as well.
This is also known as the blamer. Everyone else is out to get them. Only bad things happen to them. They do not take responsibility for their actions because if other people did not act a certain way they would not behave badly.
Non toxic person will be accountable for their thoughts, feelings, beliefs and actions.
I am sure you can find some people in your past path or present that match or have similarities to these toxic types.
Let's face it, these people will always be in our world. It might be that they don't even see themselves in that way. Realistically, it becomes our judgement of what irritates us.
I like to say they just have not been willing to see the mirror of truth yet.
Which also is our mirror of truth.
It was Carl Jung who said it first: " Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
Everyone is our mirror.
A quiet person might look at someone the loud mouth and bitch about how abrupt they are, yet struggle to find their voice when it is most needed.
From an article by Kolyanne Russ, she writes:
I remember working with one of the directors who would show up at work at 7:00 AM every day, and left the office exactly at 10:00 PM. She wasn’t just ambitious; she was relentless to both herself and those around her. Needless to say, she hated everyone who wasn’t.
Though I was one of the hardest working people in the office, in her eyes I was lazy.
What I’ve learned from her is that we often hold others to a standard we impose on ourselves.
That fly in the ointment that spoils your otherwise perfect relationship with someone and makes you point finger at them is probably the same one that spoils your self-image.
When you’re judgmental of somebody else, you’re actually judgmental of yourself.
If someone pushes your buttons, it may be because they represent something that you despise or fear about yourself.
As we encounter new people and interact with them, we unravel our own weaknesses and strengths.
Their flaws reflect ours, and allow us to accept them.
And, it isn’t until we do that we can start fixing them for the better.
So you see, when we are focusing on the people in our lives who are toxic, there is work to do within our own selves as these emotions and reactions are trying to teach us something about who we are being.
The easy thing would be to remove these people... and if you are by any means in harms way... HELL YES.
What I really am saying is everything starts from within.
It is never easy... but doing your work, especially with The D.E.B.A.R Method will help you grow into understanding your thoughts, beliefs and actions as they are always yours to manage.
Make it a great day