There is a place in my home town called the Victoria Quay. Here hosts a short boardwalk along the canal where most hang out all year long to watch the many wildlife that appear on a daily basis.
As I sit here, this is what I noticed.
In the early mornings on the way to the gym, I see the same group of men gathered around on one of the platforms drinking their coffee and laughing.
In the mid day, as I drive past on occasion, I see the Quay full of cars, people walking, enjoying the scenes.
In the evenings, its guarantee to find half a dozen or so young adults with their gathered around the platform drinking coffee and laughing.
And my thoughts of what each group were up to popped freely into my mind.
Did you have presumed assumptions of each group? Who is innocent? What group might you not even notice, and which group would make you uncomfortable to approach?
This happens all day long within us, we have presuppositions of underlying beliefs and attitudes that we live by.
They are called 'presuppositions' because you pre-suppose them to be true, and then you act as if they were.
If this has sparked something in you, read on.
The Presuppositions (Assumptions to live by)
Take a few minutes and read each presupposition and consider how you feel about each one? Are they true for you? Could they be? How do you respond to each one?
1. Unconditionally accept people.
People are not their behaviors, so, while you can reject a person's attitude or habits, you will never dismiss a person.
What if you could seek to understand and better appreciate how their habits and self-defeating behaviors are not in them but rather, are choices that can be modified at any given moment in time?
2. Often, if you experience resistance in someone, this will stem from a lack of rapport or misunderstanding. (There is no one who is resistant by nature, but rather, only rigid communicators who are unwilling to change. Wise communicators accept and embrace all forms of communication that are presented to them.)
Maintaining rapport with your "person" is absolutely critical. If you are not actively maintaining rapport, you'll be less likely to ascertain the positive outcomes that you are working towards. If you want to get better results through your communications than you are currently getting, it is crucial that you adapt and adjust your approach. (If we always do what we have always done, we'll always get what we have always got.)
3. No-one intentionally screws up. All people all of the time are doing the very best they can do, with the extent of the resources they have available to them. Behavior is fluid and not fixed. No-one sets out to intentionally mess up or fail. While you may never fully appreciate others motives, it's important to assume, that a positive intent motivates people's every behavior. In other words, let's assume the very best of other people (regarding their intentions) rather than assuming the worst.
4. Calibrate on behavior and don't try to read people's minds. The only visible information you have about another person is their behavior.
Human behavior is the only thing you can observe. Anything else would be mind reading. As it is impossible for you to enter another person's mind physically, its therefore critical that you become competent at calibrating on behavior.
5. The map is not the territory. People respond to their experiences and not to reality itself. You do not have access to reality as it is, you do not know reality. You experience reality through your senses, your filter systems, your beliefs - your own personal 'map' of reality.
6. You own your own mind; therefore you must own your life outcomes. Thought precedes your every action, behavior, reaction and response. It is important you understand that before you commit to any course of action, the course of action has first been considered inside our minds. If you can become more aware of your thought patterns and internal processes, you can consequently become more efficient at managing your responses and behaviors.
7. You have all the resources you need to be successful. You have the resources and ability to achieve all the things that you want in your own life. If it is possible for other people, it is possible for you.
8. There is no such thing as failure, only feedback. Do you learn from your mistakes? Of course; this is the part of taking responsibility for your actions and therefore owning your results (good or bad, desired or undesired). You don't need to entertain the idea of putting a label on it. Your results are wither an opportunity to gain feedback or recognize your achievements.
9. Empowerment comes via responsibility. Maturity in life is less reflective of your age and more reflective of your willingness to assume full responsibility for your life. As you mature you become decisive, consistent and strong. When you take full responsibility and you are doing your very best, confidence grows, and you feel empowered as a result.
10. All actions have a purpose. The actions you take are not random; you are always trying to achieve something, although you might not be aware of what that actually is.
11. The meaning of communication is not just what you intend, but also the response that you get.
The response might be different from what you wanted, but there is no such thing as failure in communication, only responses and feedback. If you are not getting the results you desire, change what YOU are doing. Start taking responsibility for the communication.
So in summary, thoughts, beliefs and actions are the results you are creating in your life.
This has been my own work which I am practicing, knowing this works I had to share.
Diving into this work yourself will allow you to set yourself free. The way to really get through it is to grow through it.